Chapter 3 (Sonima Galactic) We’re not alone. 

“Anna…”

“Lela!! You’re alive!!!” I cried!

“Hush…before they hear you!” She slid herself down on the bed and pulled me down beside her. She put her hand over my mouth. 

“Anna what I am about to tell you is going to frighten you, but I want you to know we are going to get out of this. I am going to take my hand off your mouth, but you have to promise to not wake my mother.” I looked at her and nodded slowly. I was trying to figure out if she was going crazy. My gut told me to believe her. 

“Okay you can tell me.” I said assuringly.

” When I awoke I was fine…but someone whispered in my ear and took away my breath. I didn’t lose any oxygen because of my Pode’. Someone, man, women or thing literally took my breathe away. And whatever this being is, it knew me. Because when I saw the being, I knew who it was, but now I can’t remember.” 

She said holding her head in her hands. 

“Lela. I think you are delusional because of the lack of oxygen….”

“No, Anna I promise you. On everything, on your mother.” 

I looked at her with rage, but then saw the fear in her eyes. The worry and need for me to believe her. I knew she was telling me the truth. I just didn’t know what we should do. We need to tell our parents. 

“We have to tell our parents Lela.” I grabbed her hand, she quickly pulled away.
“No we can’t. They will try to get me to forget and they will say I’m making things up from being asleep for so long. I wasn’t sleeping. I was playing things over and over in my head. Trying to remember the face of my attacker.” 

“You really don’t remember anything? Did you say the persons name? I mean why is the face missing, but you remember everything else?” 

I asked trying to argue her theory. 

” It was almost like the being was manipulating my thoughts. Like I couldn’t put it all together fast enough. It was slow motion.” 

She said with worry in her face. 

“Okay well what do you think we need to do…” 

“First Anna, I have to wake up for my mother.” 

At that moment she quietly got up in her hospital bed. She winked at me and I knew in that moment she needed her partner in crime. I smiled and confidently spoke:

“Lela, omg you’re awake!” 

Layna awoke and rushed to Lela’s bed side. She covered her sweet child in warm tear drops and kisses. Lela was Layna’s world and she couldn’t imagine a life without her daughter. 

After leaving Lela that night to get some rest. We had to think of a plan. We had to figure out what was going on and if we were in trouble. All I knew, is Lela said we weren’t alone, maybe the attacker wasn’t one of us. Maybe the attacker was an extraterrestrial…

Chapter 2 Sonima Galactic 

The next morning I awoke to the hologrammed view of what looked like the amazon rainforest. My head still hurt from falling yesterday. Even with a pounding headache all I could think about was seeing Lela. 

I found my father sitting outside my door asleep. I awoke him with a nudge. He opened his eyes. He looked at me like he was confused but then he looked relieved.

“Anna, my girl, how did you sleep? Are you feeling better? You must be hungry?”

“Dad. No I need to see Lela. I need to see aunt Layna! What about Jon? Dad I need to know!” I begged him as I pulled on his arm. Trying to hold back the tears in my eyes.

“I will take you to them. But you have to eat a bagel.” He said sternly. 

“Deal.”

We walked through a huge sliver and white corridor into what looked like a smaller version of Central Park. It was absolutely beautiful. I was amazed to even see a blue jay fly over my head, it was so real. So beautiful and I almost forgot we were in space. 

I missed Earth. I missed the wind blowing in my hair, the beat of the sunlight on my freckled arms and my sunburned nose. I missed everything and I would never see it again.  

Finally after passing through the park we came to what looked like a promenade shopping mall. It was incredible the flooring was so clean and shiny. It was like we were actually window shopping. I still hated the idea I was on a freaking space ship and I needed to see Lela. 

Finally we arrived to the Medical Wing of the ship and it looked like a hospital and even smelt like one. My father talked with a lady at the front she knew what was going on but I noticed there were only a few people around the front room of the medic area. All these people were waiting to see how a loved one was doing. Some people had even started to do their jobs as crew members. It was like people were starting to come alive again. 

I noticed an older lady sitting alone by herself crying. I wandered why she was crying did she lose a child? Was the child already dead? All these horrible thoughts popped in my head. I grabbed my father by the arm as I tucked my head behind him. I was afraid to see anything else. I was afraid to see Lela. 

Lela was still beautiful even in her funny leotard onsie. She was hooked up to a ventilator. I assumed a breathing machine. Anyway it was scary to see her that way. Then my aunt Layna was just sitting there. She looked defeated, worried and exhausted. Once she saw me she raised her head and got up so quickly she almost fell. 

” Oh my Anna girl.” She squeezed me so tight I could barely breathe, but I hugged her back even harder. 

She began to tell me how she saw Jon last night. She said he was fine and lives in the lower station not in La Vidan quarter. I was so happy to hear he was okay. I couldn’t imagine having the only two people I even cared for in critical condition. She did tell me that his father never arrived to the station the morning we were supposed to leave. 

I remember Jon saying his mother and father had been fighting. He said he overheard them screaming at one another. His dad had said something to his mother about that it was too much for him. He couldn’t just leave everything on Earth. He was the only smart guy out of all of us. 

Lela looked so peaceful just like she was sleeping. 

Her mother said she awoke but instantly fell and stopped breathing. So they gathered as many medical personnel that they could find. Which was a male nurse, who barely just awoken. He was still in a state of delirium and confusion. But Layna said she took her mama bear roar to the extreme and got him ready for battle pretty quick. So she said they have been sitting here for about four days. 

I waited with my aunt for hours. I held Lelas hand and I even started singing “Good Riddance” by Green Day. She loved that song because Billie Joe Armstrong messes up and quietly says the “f” word. I loved it because it was the song we all sang with my mom when we were little. 

At about ten o’clock I felt a tug in my shirt…

“Anna..” 

Sonima Galatic (Day 1: Creative writing challenge) 

Deep, dark and basically filled with so much unknown, space sucks. I hate my father for believing that going to this stupid planet would be worth leaving Earth. Which will now be light years away! 

I begged my father to let me stay on Earth it’s home and there is oxygen, beautiful oceans and freaking gravity. Now we will be traveling to another planet and it will take us five years to reach our destination. That means when we reach Sonima I will be 18. 

An 18 year old on a brand new planet with no idea what her future holds. The G-972 Abanon Spaceship is what we are going to be living on for five years. But we will be asleep during that time. According to my father he said we will not age inside these sleeping space coffins, the science behind it is confusing to me. I am also extremely claustrophobic and the fact that I have to be in this incredibly tight space for five years creeps me out. I hate it. He said we will awake 6 months before our destination; 6 months of torture. Awake floating around in space. 

We were able to tour the Abanon before we bought our ticket to “eternal doom” as I told my father. He said I was over exaggerating and being dramatic. The Abanon is actually pretty cool, but don’t tell my father I said that. He said the engineers who built Abanon, worked and perfected this ship. After 10 years of strenuous work and many flight tests. He said the smartest engineers in the world (100) of them built this craft; 100 great minds made sure there were no mistakes.

There is actually living quarters and they are known as (La Vidan Quarter). This for the familie. They look like really fancy, modern, type apartments. I mean the freaking doors open automatically by sense of human heat. The door knows you by DNA and only allows in the family members of that living quarter. I actually viewed our La Vidan quarter and I have my own room with my own bathroom. The bathroom is glorious. The sink is a pink gold marble with a huge vanity mirror. It’s seriously gorgeous! I gave my dad props for that one, but he told me it was only because he didn’t want to have to wait for hours to use the restroom , while I am in there “getting fancy” as he likes to call it. I mean being 13 and having to prepare for space voyage isn’t something most fathers put their daughters through, but at least he got me a nice bathroom. I mean the doors are enough too. Right? 

Today is the day we see our space coffins, or scientifically known as (Sleeping Pode’), we get our wardrobe that we will be wearing for half a decade, our hundredth physical exam, and we meet the crew of cosmonauts. No the crew is not Russian I just like that term better than the normal astronaut. I’m nervous. I honestly wish I would fail my physical exam, so I didn’t have to go. I know I can’t leave my father to do this voyage alone. I’m the only person he has. 

My mother died when I was 5 from breast cancer. My dad hasn’t been the same since and he’s extremely protective as well as codependable. He’s also one of the engineers who made the Abanon. That’s why we have a ticket on this stupid ship and that’s why we are heading for the new world. 

I walked into the doctors office praying that maybe I had come up with some weird bone disorder which would force me to stay on earth. At least that’s what Jon said he prayed for. Jon is my best friend his mother is also one of the engineers who built this ship. He doesn’t want to go to Sonima either, but he is more positive than I am. 

Well of course the visit went well and the doctors words couldn’t be more dreadful to hear. He told me I’m as healthy as an ox. Whatever that means, but I didn’t want to hear it. 

After my physical exam I was taken with the other 60 children that will be aboard Abanon. Of course Jon, Lela and I stayed close to one another because we were the only kids that seemed mature compared to the other annoying brats tagging along. 

Lela is my very best friend from birth, and she also happens to be my cousin. She’s a funny girl, and she happens to be excited about going to Sonima. I tell her of course she would be, she will have no problem adapting because she would be the most beautiful girl on any planet and any universe. Unlike my red hair, freckled face and nobby knees, Lela is blonde, blue eyed and already wears a size B-32 bra. She completely skipped out on the training bra, which my aunt Layna had to beg my dad to allow me to wear. His words exactly, “Shes fine, Layna. I mean she’s not even showing, those…Oh fine. I can’t.” He said not wanting to know any of the details. 

Layna is my mother’s sister. She looks a lot like my mom because they were twins. I love having her around and I am happy she will be joining us on this journey. I would have told my dad to forget it if they were not coming. Layna believes this is a new beginning for all of us and an adventure that mankind has only been dreaming of. She told us all we should be grateful to be apart of history. 

Jon and I laughed at Lela even she looked funny in the ugly wardrobe we would be wearing. It was a plain dark grey body suit, it’s actually looks like a full body leotard onesie. We all laughed at one another as we paraded around in our extremely ugly leotard onesies. Jon started to jump around like a monkey and then one of the guides asked us to calm down and take this seriously. I mean I did say we were mature, but not always. Finally it was time to be introduced to our “space coffins”. 

As I approached my “space coffin” on the top of the glass door of my Sleeper Pode’ a lady hologram popped up. 

“Hello Anna Johnson, welcome to Spacecraft Abanon. It is my pleasure to be guiding you during your voyage to planet Sonima.” 

Yuck. I thought to myself. How am I going to do this. The guide began to explain the procedures that will follow once we get into our Sleeper Pode’. She said a gas will come out of the side vents, inside which will then put us into a deep sleep. So even though my earth age will be 18 I will still look and stay 13 on Sonima. She said we will not age or lose time. After that I zoned out. I started to think about my mother and wishing she would be with us. I was scared and I didn’t know how to tell my father without him criticizing me. I also was afraid if we got to Sonima if my age would triple and I’d be close to 40 and then all the adults would die. Father told me that I had a dark imagination and said that’s not how planet Sonima works and I should have listened in class. 

Today is the day we leave for Sonima. My father and aunt Layna would be right beside Lela and I. Lela and I were right in the middle of my father and Layna inside our space coffins. Before we took off I grabbed onto Lela and told her “I’ll see you in five years Le” and she smiled back and said “Can’t wait Anna. Until then sweet slumber.” 

4 1/2 YEARS LATER…

Coming up for air. That’s what it felt like. I looked over to my right to see Lela but there was no one beside me on either side. Lela and Layna were no where to be found. My father was gone too. I didn’t realize what was going on once I awoke, but I felt nauseous. I also had no idea what was going on. While I was walking I fell and hit my head. In that moment I heard my fathers voice as I began to go unconscious. 

Three hours later I awoke to my father sitting in my bed he seemed concerned. 

“Dad.” I said wearily.

“Anna, my sweet girl. How are you feeling?”

He asked with worry in his eyes.

“Where is Lela and Aunt Layna?!”

I asked anxiously.

“Anna, right now you need to rest.” 

He avoided the question altogether. 

“Dad, what’s wrong?!” 

“Anna, Lela is in critical condition she is suffering from lack of oxygen. Her sleeping pod in the last week before we were to awake was not producing enough oxygen. Her pod is not the only one that had issues along the journey. We have lost some others, they were not so lucky.” He looked into my tear filled eyes as he held my face in his hands. ” Anna I am so thankful you are okay. I am so happy to see you and hold you again.” 

I didn’t even want him to touch me. I didn’t want to be in space. I wanted to be on Earth because none of this would have happened.
TO BE CONTINUED…

5 things that help ease loneliness


Due to being in a long distance relationship 6 months out of the year I’ve learned how to deal with being lonely. My boyfriend and I have been together now for five years but out of those five years we’ve only been together physically half the time. I’ve learned to appreciate myself through those times while I am alone. I call my months without him my “rejuvenation period”. I pick up new hobbies, I spend time with friends and family, I exercise more and I even eat better. It’s almost like I get to become an even stronger and better version of myself because I learn to focus solely on me well at least as much as I can. 

It wasn’t always this way for me. I used to take the loneliness so hard that I almost lost my relationship. I was so used to focusing on my significant other that I wouldn’t take time to myself. That became exhausting wandering where he was all the time and what he was doing. I was constantly on my phone waiting on a text or call when I should have been doing things that could strengthen my inner soul. Instead my happiness was dependent on him. This was in no way healthy. Only you are in charge of your happiness; no one else. 

I learned the hard way but I realized I could be happy even if the love of my life and I had a thousand miles of highway between us. Here are some ways I ease my own loneliness and maybe they can help ease yours too. 

1. Faith 

During my time away from Justin I turn to God even more. I pray more and realize that my relationship with God is so important during those times of loneliness. I am truly never alone because I have God and he is always there to listen when I am happy, mad, or sad. 

2. Find a new hobby

I have started reading more than I normally do and writing. Each of those two hobbies have helped me grow not only emotionally but even intellectually. I also learn to cook new things so when my man comes home it’s like I have a whole new menu for us both to enjoy! 

3. Make time for family and friends

When my boyfriend is home I focus on him a lot more. I am not saying I do not spend time with my friends while he is home but I do tend to spend more time with him because I cherish the time we have together while he is home. When he is away it’s my time to catch up with friends and even get some family time one on one. I enjoy going out with my friends and family which also makes my time away from him more enjoyable and it also helps time go by without realizing it. 

4. Exercise 

I found that exercise helps ease everything. Even if at times I don’t want to get off the couch away from my “chill and Netflix” time.  I have really found love in yoga. It eases my mind, body and spirit. Plus yoga makes you feel even better in a bikini! 

5. Music 

I truly believe music heals the soul. Make yourself a great playlist for any emotion. I have a mad playlist, a kickass playslist, a sad playlist, love song playlist and of course my gangster rap playlist. Music is the best way to express emotion and it also can bring inspiration. 

Will I ever know

Will I ever know…
what it’s like to see you as more than a stranger? 

Will I ever know…
the reason why you stole that from me? 

Will I ever know…
the way you would put me to bed at night?

Will I ever know…
if you would choose a fairytale over a folk tale?

Will I ever know…
how you would yell my name when I misbehaved? 

Will I ever know…
if you loved my middle name? 

Will I ever know…
 if you’d enjoy giving dating advice?

Will I ever know…
if you would approve of me dating? 

Will I ever know…
why you chose to walk away? 

Will I ever know…
if you wanted to find me?

Will I ever know…
if you loved me when you didn’t know me?

Will I ever know…
You, mother? 

Me as a little girl ❤️

Above is a poem I wrote as a child. It’s crazy to believe that I was this insightful. I found this in an old journal of mine and I used these journals a a child to release questions I was afraid to ask.
I was raised not knowing who my birth mother was and even though I had many women role models in my life. I had many broken wounds from feeling a bit off without knowing the one who made me. 

Don’t get me wrong I have a wonderful mother. The woman who married my father and told me I was her daughter. She let me take my time calling her mom for years because she knew I needed time. She loved me, taught me, cared for me, disciplined me and even helped me find my real mother. 

That’s a mother who love and cares for me enough to let me find my mother even if it hurt her a little bit. She let it happen and she made it happen. She also told my dad that I needed this and to let me do it. 

So together my mother and I found my birth mother and several siblings I did not know about. It was almost like I could breathe for the first time. My dream came true I did have a mother and she was alive and well.

My birth mother is very different from my mother who raised me. She is a lot like me. She’s reads a lot so she’s pretty smart. She’s funny and laughs at my dumb jokes. We look alike especially in our cheek bones and smile. Our voice sounds the same. She’s definitely my mother. 

The thing is I love my mothers both of them. The sad part is I will never get my time back with my birth mom nor will she, but I can make this time count. I can love both of them as hard and as much as I can. 

I love my family. I especially love my mother Carolyn because we have been through it all. She raised me well. I am strong because of her, I am loyal, I am forgiving and I am who I am today because of her. I am lucky because I have her. I am also grateful to her for helping me find my other mother Robin and I’m glad that little girl named Shawna will have all her questions answered and she will know her mom. 

Long Horrible Distance 

Have you ever yearned to touch the person you love more than you have wanted to breathe?

 I have.

Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night from a deep sleep and look to the right side of your bed to grab onto the pillow where your significant other usually lays just to feel like their presence is still there? 

I have. 

Have you ever gone to eat at a restaurant alone to read your book and watch other couples swoon over one another while you think to yourself I can’t wait to be that happy again? 

I have. 

Have you ever hated that other couples are able to be around one another 24/7 while you have to wait for months to be with the one you love and think to yourself why does our love have to endure this type of pain? 

I have. 

Distance isn’t for the weak and it is sure as hell isnt for people of this day and age. Somehow I am in a relationship that endures it and we make it work. Don’t get me wrong there have been days where I want to just say I can’t do this. I give up. I want more. Then I think to myself I don’t want more I just want him. I want him all the time. I want to wake up next to him. I want to argue with him because we are so annoyed with one another. I want to dance with him in our apartment. I want to go out for drinks with our friends. I want to kiss him when I get home from work. I just want him. I don’t want more. 

He’s perfect. Everything about him. Even his flaws. I have to tell myself that this long horrible distance is temporary. Distance is for his dreams. Distance is for our dreams. Distance is for our future. Distance is for our future family. Distance is for our dog. Distance is for us. Distance is for people who see that love isn’t about seeing someone everyday. That’s not what makes love a real true type of love. 

I’d be lying to you if I said it got easier because it doesn’t. I will have bad days where I hate him for it. It’s not a real hate it’s a hate that I can’t explain. It’s more of a how can you allow this to be our relationship? You have to remember it isn’t easy for your significant other either. It’s hard as hell especially when your significant other is alone wherever he or she may be. I have my family. I have his family, but he is alone. So I have to be the strong one. Yes there are days where I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to be social. I don’t want to see my friends or family, but I have to get up. He does everyday. He does for himself, for me, for his family and for his dream. 

You will make it through it if you remember that love conquers all things. Is that a cheesey ass quote? Of course it is, but it is so true. Have faith in the love you have and have faith in yourself. You’re stronger than you think. Remember the distance will end and you will be yelling at him to pick up his damn boxers or to take out the trash. Or yelling at her to stop bitching over those silly things. You will be together again and it all will be worth it. 

I love you my forever heart. Even when you’re thousands of miles away I love you just the same. 

My Little Hero 

I wander at times if I am a good person. Am I doing good for others or am I just doing good for myself? Am I doing both? There are times when I think all I do is good for others but then I find myself getting on a plane leaving my little sister in distress after birth because I can’t handle seeing her tear herself down.

I can’t handle seeing her tell herself she won’t be good enough at being a mother. Of course I gave her my advice but to her it could mean bullshit because I honestly do not know anything about parenting. I’ve never had a child. Then I think to myself I’m an educator so I’m sort of a parent/friend/therapist/teacher 7 days a week. 

The hardest thing for me is trying to think of another person before myself. When it comes to my siblings that problem changes. I’ve always been a fixer. I always tried to fix them or make myself seem like I knew everything. I worry a lot about my siblings not because I want to but because I feel I need to. I know them differently because I grew up with them. So I see my sister not as a mother but as the little girl I used to play dolls with, laugh with and argue with over something petty. 

I left her today and once I got to the airport I lost it. I felt like I failed her. Of course I helped her with the baby. I loved on him, fed him and cared for him while she tried to put herself together. The thing with my little sister is she’s fragile. She always has been because of past events that happened with our broken family. I love her more than anything and wanted to save her but I just couldn’t she had to do this on her own. 

I rubbed her back to help her fall asleep before I left. She was fighting sleep to the point where it was impossible for her to even relax. She said her body felt like it was forcing sleep but she couldn’t move. She said she felt pinned down to the bed. She felt like there was a wait on her chest keeping her from breathing steadily. I know what it is she’s running on 6 hours asleep in 4 days because she is a new mother. 

She’s terrified and who wouldn’t be. Becoming a mother has to be one of the scariest moments of your life especially when it happens and you aren’t prepared for it. I didn’t even have the baby and all these thoughts are running through my head for her. I watched her tell her mother that she felt she couldn’t provide for Carter due to post pardon, but I know she can. She will be the greatest mother. 

I just feel awful because for the first time in my life I can’t relate to this. I’ve never had a child. I don’t know how she feels or what it’s like to physically go through child birth. I want so badly to make her pain go away, but this time I couldn’t just hold her. This wasn’t her falling down and scraping her knee on the pavement; this was the reality of being a mother and realizing she had to care for a human being. That was her sole purpose know. 

Maybe I’m awful or maybe she is the one teaching me now. I learned these past few days that being an older sister doesn’t always mean you have to be the hero or the advice giver. You’re little sister can teach you more than just how to win an argument: she can teach you how to be a mother one day.  

My little hero

A letter to the love of my life: It’s baseball season! 

Dear Justin,

I’ve been the lucky one getting to watch you grow each year into something more than just a baseball player, but a hard working, loving, caring, passionate person. 

I will never forget the day you were drafted I was sitting in that old chair at your parents house wandering if this was something I wanted. If I wanted to go down this crazy journey. Not because I don’t want it for you but I didn’t want to lose what we had. The horror stories I had heard of distance and dating a professional athlete brought fear to my mind. I knew I didn’t want to lose my best friend. I knew baseball was/still is your true love so it scared me. How could I compete with the “greatest game ever played”?

 I was anxiously looking at my twitter feed to see if they had chosen you. When the 38th pick was chosen and I saw your name in the feed before you or anyone else. I couldn’t even get the words out to say you were drafted I just jumped up happily pointing at my phone studdering to find the words. You’re face after you saw it was priceless. Years of hard work and dreaming of this moment had come true for you and all I could think about was losing you for months out of the year. I’m selfish I thought. 

I went outside after the great news and sat alone in tears. I wasn’t sure if it was happiness at first or tears of fear and the unknown. I had heard horror stories of couples not making it due to distance but you had reassured me we’d be just fine. You told me that day you wanted to be with me forever and baseball wouldn’t change that for us. 

The years that have gone by and the past four seasons have brought us closer than we could have ever imagined. We have our issues but somehow we always get through it. Each season we are apart we learn to appreciate one another more. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and I couldn’t agree more. 

I am proud of you. The endless days of workouts, traveling, playing, but you still stay positive. You believe in your dream which drives me everyday to the best at mine. You haven’t given up even when injuries could have torn you down. You’re the hardest working person I know when it comes to baseball. There’s no one out there who deserves this dream more than you do. Others will disagree but, they have no idea what you have gone through to get where you are today. You’ve missed out on a lot because of baseball, but you always make sure I am taken care of. Even in your absence you are always there for me emotionally. Even if I’m acting like a crazy b$&@#! 

This season is just another way for us to grow as a team. I know you are going to do great things this season. Keep proving them wrong baby! You’re always my MVP. 


24 Random questions I answered. 

1. What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person? 

Heartbreak. I’ve had my heartbroken enough times to realize you will survive. You will wake up one day and things won’t hurt as much as they used to. Because you adapt and survive.

2. What’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that has made you feel weak?

Loss. Anytime I lose something or someone I feel my weakest. There isn’t one thing in this world thats made me feel weaker than losing my grandfather. It’s a helpless feeling knowing you will never be able to tell someone you love them, or kiss them on the cheek, hug them and just be around them again. Especially when it’s a person you adored. He was my best friend and my confidant. A man that no one will ever compare to. But I believe he knows that so, I know he’s happy. 

3. Where is one place you feel most like yourself?

On a softball field. Softball was my whole world. It was the one place where I felt at home. I met some of the greatest friends, that to me will always be family. I learned more about myself, my limits, my strengths and weaknesses. I learned about how to coach myself and how to continue to motivate myself even when things may seem impossible to get past. I can throw a ball better than most grown men. I can tell you about the game inside and out. It was the greatest time of my life and my first true love. 

4. Where is your favorite place to escape to? 

Hiking outdoors. I loved hiking in the mountains this past summer. I did a lot of praying on my nature walks. I feel being outdoors in God’s natural space is the closest I feel to HIM. 

5. Who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today? 

My father. We’ve been through Hell and back together. He’s an interesting man. He has a huge heart and loves to make people laugh. I’m a lot like him. He’s not perfect by any means and he’s made mistakes but he loves me unconditionally. That’s all that matters to me. 

6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? 

My anger issues. It stems from a lot of problems I had as a child. I felt like no one wanted me for a long time. I got angry about the past even though I had no control over any of it. I’m still working on becoming better about calming myself down. I get better everyday, but I wish I could just take all the anger and pain away. I wish I could go tell my younger self that I am good enough. Because that little girl wanted to change the world and she had big dreams. 

7. If you had one day left to live what would you do? 

Spend the day with my family. I want all my siblings and family around me. I want to share how I feel about each of them. I’d want to play backyard baseball with my baby brother and of course all of my siblings. 

8. What decade do you feel you most belong in?

 

The late 70s to early 80s. I wanted to be apart of Woodstock so badly. I love old rock and heavy metal and the fashion then was amazing. 

9. Who are you closest to in your family?

 

My baby sister Becca. She knows me like the back of her hand. She’s my very best friend. She’s kind, funny, and we have our own lingo. She makes my belly hurt from laughter and that’s the best medicine. 

10. Who is the one person in the world who knows you best? 

My grandmother. She’s my best friend. She’s always looked out for me and I know she will always have my back. 

11. What is your favorite quality about your best friend? 

Everything about all my best friends. That’s why they are my besties. 

12. When you were younger what did you think you would be when you grew up? 

A pop star, veterinarian, writer and marine biologist. 

Never once thought I would teach. 

13. If you could identify with one fictional character, who would it be? 

Katniss Everdeen and Diana Prince. Because they are both strong and independent women. 

14. Do you easily take compliments, or do you hate them? 

Who hates compliments? I don’t I feel better when I am complimented especially when I am working hard and doing a good job at something. Of course I like to be told I am pretty on days I may not be. 

15. What is your favorite attribute about yourself physically and non-physical? 

Non- physical: Willingness to forgive. 

Physical- My eyes. 

16.Do you believe in love at first site? 

No. 

17. Do you believe in soul mates? 

I believe in soul “mates”. I don’t believe in only one soul mate per person. I believe we have multiple soul mates throughout our lives who teach us about ourselves. They teach us how to love and how we want to be loved. 

18. Have you ever been in love? How many times? 

Yes. I have been in love 3 times in my life. 

First time I was 11 years old and loved a kid neighbor of mine. He was my best friend and my first crush. I was a tomboy and never told him, but I definitely doodled his name a lot. We dated in high school but we both realized we considered each other more as family than lovers. 

Second time was my first true love. We had a long run and almost married but we both decided it was time to part ways due to not really knowing who we were yet. I didn’t know myself well enough to become a wife.

Third time and hopefully my last. He is my current boyfriend. I met him in a crazy time. I was wild, resilient and wasn’t ready to commit. He wasn’t either so we talked for a year as friends and then decided to date and now we are still together. He completes me, he understands my crazy better than anyone I know. He’s crazy like me so, we match. I love my Boogs for ever. 

19. How seriously do you take horoscopes?

I mean I read them and find them pretty interesting because they are so accurate at times, but I’m not reading them every day. 

20. What makes you fall in love with someone?

Personality, they have to be funny, smart, athletic, Christian and a family man. 

21.What does vulnerability mean to you? What makes you most the most vulnerable? 

Vulnerability sucks. It means that you lose your ability to think clearly and you become easily persuaded usually by someone who has some sort of control over you. 

Love makes me very vulnerable. 

22. What’s one thing you are scared to ask a man? If you were a man for a day what would you do?

Not a damn thing. Men do not scare me and I’ll ask if I need an answer. 

If you were man for a day what would you do? 

Get a sex change. Haha jk, no idk figure out how a man thinks and learn to understand them better. I would for sure want to play in a baseball game to see how I’d play as a man. Cause I was hella good as a female! (Well in softball) 

23. What’s one thing you’d want to learn more about? 

The ocean. It’s my favorite place and so interesting to me. It’s a whole other world in the deep blue sea. 

24. What were you like as a child? 

I was active and also a habitual liar. I had a huge imagination and loved to tell stories. I loved animals especially dogs and dolphins. Weird combo but, I was a weird kid. I befriended a roadrunner in elementary school and told my friends he was a reincarnated friend of mine or something a long those lines. I was funny though and I enjoyed laughing more than anything. I enjoyed making people laugh. Once I got over my weird stage I was more of a tomboy than anything and played with the boys. I fit in better with them. 

2016 

The year where I had to learn from my mistakes. 

The year where I graduated from college. 

The year where I started my career. 

The year where I finally got my own apartment and I move in this month!

The year where adulting and responsibilities became the only way to survive. 

The year that I realized that female relationships are so important. There is nothing better than your girlfriends. They are the best kind of family. 

The year I realized that it’s okay not to be married at 27. Even if everyone my age is. 

The year I learned to stop comparing myself to others. It’s only a losing battle.

The year I learned that giving myself pep talks is essential to my daily routine. 

The year I started allowing myself to see how far I’ve come instead of how far I still have to go. 

 The year I learned to stop judging others because I hate when others judge me.

 The year I learned that five year olds are actually smarter than all of us, so I am now more carefree. Thank you kinder. 

The year I learned that crying isn’t a bad thing, it’s actually necessary to stay sane. 

The year I became 27 and started to notice in my late 20s I’m super OCD about making sure things are clean.

 The year maturity hit me harder than it ever has.

 The year I learned that “me”time is important and necessary to stay sane. 

The year I learned it’s okay to be a little selfish. It’s also not my job to make others happy. It’s my job to make myself happy. 

The year I found that love is lacking in so many people’s lives and I should be fortunate for the love I receive. 

2017….Let’s slay 


Xoxo

Cleat Chaser Slayer